Foley's Crane Catastrophe!
by Elred Bluegreen
Summary: All those diners with those stupid crane games...


Author's intro: This oneshot is mainly a test for OpenOffice, which I recently downloaded from the FanFiction home page, primarily because I had some trouble formatting a Word document the other night. So here's a story about those bloody crane games you're never able to win!

* * *

The diner looked more like swiss cheese than serving cheese at this time, and the sheer volume of Russians with AK-47s surrounding the small team of Army Rangers was enough for most of them to wish they'd joined the Air Force. As the grizzled Sgt Foley surveyed the scene from behind the counter, a bullet sparked across the side of his helmet, and his trained eyes observed the almost certain grim conclusion to the situation.

"We're fucked," he muttered. He turned to his second-in-command, Corporal Dunn. "Corporal, what's the status on that air support?"

"Big, fat nothing!" Dunn fired a burst from his M4, "Might as well have called the Russians for support! There's a Predator Drone control module in that diner over there, behind about twenty BTRs and forty plus foot-mobiles."

"Roger that. Ramirez! Get out there and retrieve that module!"

"I hate my job," Private Ramirez muttered as he crawled forward and towards the door, "I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my job, I hate my..."

"Corporal!" Foley called, "If we're going to die, I need to ask you for one last favor!"

"Yeah, Sarge?"

"Get your ass to that crane game and get me a goddamn rabbit! I always HATED those games and I NEVER got ANYTHING out of 'em, no matter how much I spent... AND I CAME HERE FOR THIRTY TWO YEARS STRAIGHT!"

"Easy, Sarge! There's a technique to those things!" Dunn poked his head up and immediately drew 50-60 7.62mm rounds, ducking back, "see, NEVER go for the one you WANT, because that one's a setup! You have to be clever, look for any with a head poking out or something! Here, I'll show you!" He got on the radio, "Ramirez! Give us some covering fire! I've got to, uh... plant explosives on the crane game!"

"Yeah, right! Do you honestly think I'll bel-" Corporal Dunn clicked off the comm. "Of course not, Private, but you've got to do it anyway! Sarge, follow me!"

He vaulted over the counter and sprinted to the crane game, ducking down below the window as soon as he reached it.

"Wait for the fire to die down!" Foley called out. Soon enough, Ramirez's valiant efforts paid off, as the amount of lead coming towards them decreased. "Now, now, NOW!"

Both he and Dunn scrambled to their feet and emptied their pockets.

"What's it say?!" Dunn yelled.

"It's a 75 cent machine! What've you got?!"

"I've got three dollars in quarters!"

"I've got twelve! From when that change machine by the-!" He was cut off as two bullets slammed into the wall beside him, "RAMIREZ! COVER US!"

"I'm doing the best I can, dammit!"

"Corporal, you're up! Feed the meter!"

"Yes, sir!!" Dunn dropped three quarters into the machine. Hunching over the console for cover, he began explaining the process.

"Like I said! Look for any of 'em that have parts stickin' up, and NEVER try to WIN the first time!!! You've got to figure out how much the thing swings first! This can vary from machine to machine!"

"Got it!"

"Deploying crane!" Dunn hit the button. The crane lurched downward, appearing to grab at the head of a rabbit before sliding off, but a chance bullet flipped through the window, severing it.

"NO! RAMIREZ!" Both soldiers yelled simultaneously. No answer.

"C'mon, we can do this! Like I said, never expect to win the first time! Your turn!"

"On it!" Foley dropped three quarters into the machine, taking control. "Deploying crane!"

The crane lurched again, grasping at the ears of another rabbit, but sliding off.

"NO!!!" Again, the two soldiers belted out their anger. They tried again. This time, the crane didn't even go all the way down!

"What the hell?!?!" Foley bellowed.

"It's the Russians, sir!" Ramirez reported, "they killed the power!"

Foley froze. He unstrung his rifle and proceeded to unload the kind of bullet-flavored retribution that made the Terminator quake in fear at night.

Author's endgame: Yes, I do hate those crane games. XD Read and Review with Impunity!


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